Fall in love, on a first date? Many
readers coming across this article might find this statement both
shocking and ridiculous. Can you actually create love with someone after
just having met them, and if that's actually, truly possible... well,
how?
I go through the science and mechanics behind falling in love, and whether or not it's possible on a first date
(spoiler: it is). If you're ready to try loving a complete stranger, or
at the very least feeling more connected to them, I suggest these first
date ideas to get the sparks flowing.
NOTE: I only recommend two people to share this kind of experience if
they're both willing, open and available to the experience as a whole.
Please make the commitment to yourself and to each other that, if any of
these things changes during the course of your date, whomever has
shifted will take responsibility to communicate clearly and stop these
exercises immediately.
1.
Do Something New
Bruce Lipton, author of The Honeymoon Effect, discusses at
length in his book how we fall in love and stay in love from a cellular
perspective. One of his biggest takeaways offers up a surprisingly
simple way to connect, fall in love, and then keep love alive throughout
a lifetime: constantly do new things together. By sharing these kinds
of experiences with another person, you're literally wiring your brain
for excitement and love. So instead of suggesting the common coffee and a
chat meetup for a first date, try asking your date something completely
different, instead. "So, what have you always wanted to try/do, but
haven't, yet?" Once you both find something within your price range
that's new to all involved, you've found your first date activity. This
works equally well if you've just met, or been together for 50 years.
2.
Play The "Me Too!" Game
Leil Lowdnes is a master connector and communicator, most well
known for a series of books with titles like, "How to Make Anyone Fall
in Love With You". One of my favorite suggestions from her work is to
play the "me too!" game. Share some experiences that you've had in the
past, that both made you feel happy and you're still pleasantly fond of
today. Look for the things that your date can say, "me too!' to. Make a
game out of it, where no matter what you're doing during your time
together, you're both seeking out (genuine) ways to share these two
words. Keep track with the "winner" choosing the next date activity.
3.
Ask and Answer The 36 Questions
In 1997, Arthur Aron published a paper called, "The
Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness," where he shared for
the first time 36 questions that, he discovered, help people fall in
love. While he says they take only 45 minutes to complete (if you time
it and allow 90 seconds per answer, per person), I've found I've needed
more like a three hour stretch to get through them all, provided
everyone wants to continue and finish them. I've used these questions
extensively with my own, real-world research as well as at singles
events, and every single time, the people using them feel more connected
and attracted to one another afterwards, even if they aren't
romantically bonded.
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